31 Days of Letting Go - Fast Forward to Day 12

Note to self - next time you commit to a 31 day writing challenge try not to do so in the middle of a move to your new house.

We've been moving this week , hence my lack in blog commitment. Oh we'll, I guess my topic is letting go for a reason. This week has been a challenge in and of itself. It all started with disappointing news, which I've now come to terms with, and ended with a trip to the urgent care clinic with the hubs. The doctor's visit was due to Ben injuring his knee. Injuring is probably putting it lightly. He can't put weight on his leg, much less walk so we now have crutches and a brace  until we an see the orthopedic doctor on Monday. Of course all of this happened at the worst time possible, considering we're in the middle of a move and all. I've had to suck it up and play the role of mommy, box unpacker, dryer hooker-upper and of course nurse, which I'm really bad at.

So tonight I'm letting go of guilt for not blogging because it's just been a rough week. I'm praying that Ben's knee isn't as bad as it looks and that he's feeling better soon.

31 Days of Letting Go (Day 7) - Happy Sunday

Happy Sunday

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.
~ Proverbs 3:5-6

31 Days of Letting Go (Day 6) - Growing Up

This one is for my sister. 

I love my sister more than words can express, however I can't say that I've always shown it. I know I haven't been the big sister I should be. It's always been a running joke in our family about how different the two of us are. While this was something that our family found funny, I really believe it kept us from being as close as we could have been. It was as if we were trying to fit this standard of who our family and friends were labeling us to be.

She and I have both been down difficult roads in our early adulthood. Much more difficult than most people in their 20s and 30s. I won't go into all of it here because she and I both know the stories, but I can say that initially those hard times kept us further apart, when we should have been leaning on each other, because we are SISTERS and that's what sisters are supposed to do. I failed to do my part. I judged her instead of hugging her, I got mad when we should have been crying on each others' shoulders. I guess you could say we've been through a lot, but kept our distance.

However, things have changed between the two of us. I'm not sure that there was one moment in particular, but I know that we can be together and spend our time laughing rather than snapping at each other for no apparent reason. We say "I love you," and mean it with all sincerity. We spend a lunch date with Mom talking and laughing so much that Mom can't get a word in edgewise. Our kids love being cousins and my two think they are the coolest people on the planet.

It may come as a surprise when I say I don't regret how we treated each other before. I don't regret it because I know that you have to make it through the storm in order to enjoy the rainbow. I'm enjoying the rainbow of my sweet sister's smile. I love seeing her growing more beautiful everyday. I think it's great that my baby sister has taught her big sister so much about motherhood.

I guess you can say that I've let go of my childish ways and grown up to appreciate everything about my sister.

I love you Cookie.

31 Days of Letting Go (Day 5) - A Road Trip

My Mom and I took a road trip to North Alabama for a funeral service yesterday. While a long drive for a funeral could be a somber time, my Mom and I made the best of it. We were happy for our cousin because he was no longer suffering from cancer, he was finally at peace.

On our way home from the service Mom and I enjoyed a few stops along the way. We stopped by a small boot store that we'd noticed on our way to Cherokee, AL. When we walked in we met the most sincere older gentleman. He told us that he was closing his doors and everything was marked to sell. We spent a bit of time chatting with the nice man about his shop, the price of leather, the economy and what he'd be doing after he closed the doors and retired. While I didn't find myself any cowboy boots, I did find a cute little pair for JK. He's going to be so excited on Christmas morning. (This is the earliest I've ever purchased a Christmas present, but it wasn't on purpose.)

As we drove further down the road we stopped by the Dutch Oven Bakery outside of Cullman, AL. Oh my heavens, if you are ever anywhere near this place you MUST stop in. It's owned by an Amish family and everything is baked in a dutch oven. They sell everything from Raisin Bread to Okra Chips, which Mom described as a food texture experience when eaten. They were...ummm..interesting.

After our stop at the Amish Bakery we scooted on down the interstate and stopped by Jack's Western Wear in Cullman (we were on a mission to find some cowgirl boots). Holy Manoly people! I've NEVER seen so many boots a day in my life. Everything from true cowboy workin' boots to bedazzled cowgirl boots. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that owning a pair would be a major investment and the hubby wouldn't be happy if I dropped $300 on some boots. However, I didn't leave empty handed, Little Miss Chel will also be a proud new owner of some cowgirl boots on Christmas morning (too bad big girl boots aren't as affordable as little girl boots). Maybe Santa will surprise me with a pair. Santa, if you're reading this, yes, that was a hint!

Once we finally hit the road for our final stretch back home I looked over and saw the most beautiful sunset. The forest was adorned in a sea of orange, yellow and green as the leaves are starting to change. The colorful leaves were topped with a horizon of purple, orange, red and yellow as the sun was setting. It was a heavenly gift from God to see such a sight. I wish I'd taken a picture.

Yesterday I spent the day remembering the life of a family member, making the best of a trip to a funeral and letting go of the sadness that would typically come with such a journey. We let go of schedules and enjoyed meeting friendly strangers along the way. It was a good day.

31 Days of Letting Go - Of Being Okay (Day 4)

As I was thinking about this challenge, I was beginning to think that maybe I've set myself up for only being able to write about grief and all that goes with it. However, that's not necessarily the case. Yes, for me "letting go" does often relate to the grieving process, but that's not what it's always about. Somedays I need to let go of the stressful day at work. There are moments when we have to let go of an argument with a spouse. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to let go and finally forgive that person we never thought we'd be able to forgive. We all have to move on and let go of so many things everyday of our lives. It's just a part of being human. 

Today I want to talk about being "okay." Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you felt like you had to force a smile to convince the world that everything is still as it should be? Maybe you lost your job. It could be that your marriage is on the verge of collapsing. You could be uncertain of your health. Or maybe it's just a bad day. Regardless of the reason, most of us feel this constant demand to be "okay" all of the time. Even when we're not. 

I'll let you in on a little secret. It's okay to not be okay. One of the days when I felt most at peace was when I answered, "No, I'm not okay," when someone asked if I was. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted. My friend looked at me kind of strangely for a moment, but then sat and listened to what I was feeling. We are so afraid to admit that life isn't going as we wish because we either don't want to face our reality by talking about it or we're afraid the person asking doesn't want to hear about it. We may be right about both, but when we're talking to a true friend about how we're really feeling they'll listen. By the end of the conversation we feel at peace and the friend is grateful for our willingness to be so honest.

So the next time a friend or loved one asks, "Are you okay?" Be honest, with them and yourself. You'll be glad you did.

31 Days of Letting Go - Control (Day 3)

I'm writing my day three post on the fourth day, but that's okay. We'll get through this 31 day challenge one way or another.

Letting go of control is never easy. Like most, I'm not a fan of feeling as if I'm not in control of a situation. Whether it be when my husband is driving (our marriage wouldn't survive being a team in The Amazing Race) or when I have a sick child, I just don't do well.

There eventually comes a point when you've just had enough of trying to be in control ALL THE TIME. That point usually happens when you realize all of that energy you spent attempting to make a situation work in your favor was pretty much a complete waste. It's in those moments that I just say, "Okay God. You win." (I say moments because this happens on a pretty regular basis.)

In those instances when we finally "allow" God to win, we always find that whatever may be going on ends just the way it's supposed to. Now that doesn't mean that we immediately see this, especially if the outcome seems negative to us. It means that one day; not tomorrow, or next month, or even next year, but one day, if we open our hearts to what He is trying to show us, we'll see that He can and does bring good things out of every circumstance. We just have to be willing to listen.

31 Days of Letting Go (Day 2)

Regardless of what we're letting go of, we're ultimately relinquishing control. For me it means giving fears, anxieties, concerns, my children, my husband, myself to God. Today I want to write about giving my children and their health over to God. I believe every Mom has fears of bad things happening to their family, it's just human nature. However, for me it's more than just fear. When either of my two get sick, my mind immediately wanders to the worst-case scenario. I believe this is just another part of the grieving process that no one really tells you about. Sort of like all of those things that other Moms never tell you about childbirth. 

Over the past few months I've had to really meditate on trusting God with the health of my children. My prayer has been pretty simple..God, please help my heart to know that a cold is just a cold, a stomach bug is just a stomach bug and a fever is just a fever. I've had to let go of the fear of losing another child. This is no easy task. But the reality is that we don't know what the next minute, hour, day, week, month or year will have in store for us. We're not supposed to know. We're just supposed to live in the moment. Savor each little giggle, smile, snuggle and hug. Savor the temper tantrums, long nights with a crying baby, dirty diapers and boo-boos. Because all of this craziness we call life..it's just that LIFE. I remember a day when I would have given anything to have been up all night with a crying baby, changing a dirty diaper or dealing with a screaming toddler. On the days when I'm fearful I find that God reminds me of just how blessed I truly am. He has given us two healthy and happy children who bring smiles and a tad bit of chaos to our world. I'm also the Mommy to an angel who has opened my eyes to all of the little things like noticing the butterflies, blue skies, beautiful sunsets and all of God's beautiful creation. 

A dear friend, who just happens to be in her late 80's and lost her son in a car accident when he was 23, recently told me, "Lurenda, we have to replace fear with an understanding that all of this is temporary."

So I'm letting go of fear and replacing it with an understanding that all of this is just temporary. My only job is to love God, my husband and my children like there's no tomorrow. All of the rest will fall into place.